Zeitgeist's Dust

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Showing posts from 2007

Footsie

You wanted to have lunch. We never did lunch. I looked at you and wondered what was different this late afternoon. We sat in a corner. I felt your foot touch mine. I moved, and you followed. I felt you stroke my leg. Like a feline playing with its prey. You talked, oblivious to the current your touch invoked in me. The world was blind to our games. It was our secret. Six months later, we sat at the coffee shop. We no longer did lunch. I stretched my leg and felt your left foot. You said, "Excuse me." That, was the moment when love ended.

Zombie Love

You lie still on the cold granite slab. I fall to my knees and lean over you. I open your fist, and leave my crimson gift in your palm. It wilts in your folding fingers. I try to wake you up. Gently, I nudge you. Turn your face to me, make you look at me. Your eyes look beyond me. I kiss your unfeeling lips. I catch a whiff of your smell. I breathe into your ear. Struggle to break this silence. I feel the smoothness of your skin. Trace my fingers down your neck to your breast. I put my ear to your chest, and freeze. Your heart beats, for someone else.

Father & Son

I open my eyes and am surrounded by whiteness. This must be heaven. I must be on cloud nine. I touch the walls and feel the coldness of metal. My fingers trace the line of a door. I put my ear to it and hear silence. Am I locked in or are you locked out? I sit down and stare at the white womb. Imagination is limited. I lie down, but sleep eludes me. Everyone is an insomniac in heaven. I court with insanity. I wait for you. Wait for your time to end and our time to begin. The door opens and there is light, blinding me. The door closes and dissolves into the wall. I open my eyes and see you standing. Only, it isn’t you. It is my maker. My father. This isn’t heaven.

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All Apologies

I see you standing on the levee. Dandelions mirror your gray hair. Deep in thought, you stare at the muddy water. The torrent has weakened into currents of a placated sky. You were scared to live in your youth. Now you are afraid to die. I did this to you. I refused to believe that my time will come. Dream new dreams, fulfill none. I refused to hold on to love. Not all mistakes can be undone. All that time that passed by, was life. And now it’s too late. I left you with regret, with scars, and with solitude. I’m sorry.

Asymmetric Agony

How do I get over you? You missed me, I miss you. I know I love you more, I know I love you less. Nature has a cruel sense of humor. Symmetry is in form, not in feelings. I know I need to let go. But I want to linger, savor this moment. Feel the last rays of the sun go down, before it’s all dark. I want to hold you closer, yet I know I only delay the inevitable. So, I let go. You let go. And then there will be a void within me. I’ll think about you - constantly… like a song that plays over and over and refuses to stop. An intense physical pain that only you can heal. An addiction that will enervate me. I know I have the strength to move on. I will. Days, weeks, and months will pass by. The agony will one day disappear, the memories will fade, and then, I’ll get over you.

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Housewarming

These are the steps to our home. The seven steps to heaven. This is the window. A window to the world, looking out to you. This is the carved door I leaned on, to keep you in. This is the lounge of our reverie. Secret dreams of lazy lovers. This is the bed of our enrapture, that brought us together, kept us together. This is the floor, veined like the lines of fate. This is the nook, your own private space. A dark place forbidden to the world. Forbidden to me. Your forked tongue. Serpent of Eden. Wrapped around the beam, its coil around your lean neck. Your feet in the air, swaying to the slow rhythm of the earth. An ascending angel. My mind fills the emptiness. In the lightning I see your shadow by the curtain. The gale letting you in through the door. The windows weeping in the rain. The rustle of the sheets. The cold floor. The haunting sound of silence. Now I know why people desert homes, looking back, never to return.

Pursuit of Happiness

Orange sun. Wagging tail. Summer showers. Postman. 2315 bus. Cookie jars. Leaping fish. Park benches. Innocence. Tall grass. Starry night. Skinny dipping. Flower shop. Gregory Alan Isakov. Wilderness. Riding bare chested. Falling leaves. Old books. Dark chocolate. Virginia Woolf. Golden Oriole. Climbing trees. Shooting Stars. Happiness.

Mother

Mother. Carved out from you, I split you. Cling on to you. Slow your stride. I outgrow your shadow. You remain - standing, bleeding. Your knowledge lit the hearth. Your love remained unacknowledged. Your dreams unfinished. You are weak. You chose to be. To kneel when you could stand. To yield when you could seek. Servility is no humility. You will not have my sympathy. I looked up to you. I look down at you my impotent creator.

G.O.D

Mikhael was his name. He'd always be around. I'd have endless conversations with him while the world around me slept. He'd be the one I'd play with. The one I'd turn to. Open up to, unashamed. I was a kid then. The All knowing grown ups knew I was going through a phase. Fantasize while awake. Make believe. In your head. I grew up. Mikhael is in my past. The grown ups got older. They still talk to Mikhael. They call him God.

Find Your Kind

It's over. I know you grieve for us. We chose to be together. We chose to be apart. Which was meant to be? Was it all a lie? Did I not feel your warmth? Did I not keep you waiting? Will I remember the moments that defined us, the ones that crush me within or the ones that spite me? Will I find you in my solitude? Will you see me in another? We were looking for someone else. I know I'll find another. You'll find another. I'll never find you. You'll never find me. If we do, it will be us. Again.