You were the second thing people looked at. Obstinately you poked out of my well worn shoes. I tried to curl you in, hide my shame from their judging eyes and taunts. Torn jeans spoke of liberation. You spoke only of penury. I trudged home each evening, hoping that you'd hide away. Hoping to stub you in, but you persisted. Put a foot in the door, reveal the conflict inside. From one to the other, dig my past up. Why didn't I wear shoes that restrained you? Bind you and curtail my will like Chinese girls with bleeding toes. Toe the line instead of walking my own. Ungrateful spawn in constant need. I carried a burden too heavy to bear. Shoes have a price to pay they said. Submission disguised as love. You will not buy my will, or buy my love. I walked my own road, barefoot. Bleed my feet than bleed my life.
I sleep like a fetus under the covers. Curled like a fern frond, hiding away from the light and the fear. I uncurl in the warmth of your embrace and sleep in the stillness of a dreamless night. I mesmerize you with the rhythm of my breaths and the murmur of my beating heart. Morning brought the lambent light, blinding me and breaking the trance. I feel your absence next to me, like phantom wings of a fallen angel. I curl again, kiss my knees. Brood upon a distant memory where darkness lulled me in waters deep. The lungs remember how to breathe and the heart remembers how to forget.